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The Mimosa-Cheese ball Diet

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The last few weeks have been challenging for the family. Chemo is no joke and I keep thinking that one day, years from now, we'll be sitting around shocked at how we used to treat cancer patients. My mom's hands and feet blistered and peeled until they were raw. She had trouble walking, which makes explosive diarrhea a fun plot twist. Her throat was lined with soars and her inability to taste food and swallow made eating more of a chore than a luxury. The Moose Lodge had a benefit for her, which was a huge success and we are all so very grateful to everyone who showed their support. She decided to ask for a week off of her treatment to be able to celebrate 4th of July on the boat at the lake, which she loves. Upon her return, her doctor started her on a different form of chemo in hopes to subside the hand-foot-taste side effects. This one, however, causes hair loss, among other things. She had a CT scan in April that showed her tumors in her lungs shrunk down to half ...
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Shanking Sneakers in the ER Parking Lot

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I think it's fair to say that the last couple of weeks have been challenging. My mother just finished her third round of chemo. Her mouth is raw and her hands and feet are painful and swollen. She feels like she's walking on blisters. Her throat closes fairly easily and at one point my sister had to take her to the ER because she couldn't stop coughing and her blood pressure spiked so her nose was bleeding. The combination made it difficult for her to breathe. I happen to know a lot of the people who work at this particular hospital and I adore those people, but my family was in panic mode and the lack of urgency terrified them. Upon arrival at the ER,  she was met by a D-bag at the check in counter who had no empathy and gave most of his attention to the young nurse he was training over my mom, who was clearly in distress. Let's call him Sneakers. That's all my mom can remember about him was the fact that he treated her poorly and had pristine sneakers. The tra...
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In With the Green, Out With the Green

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My mom called a Bruja. Well, I'm not sure if that's her technical name, but she's a Puerto Rican woman who reads Tarot cards, and practices magic. She came to my mom's house and read her Tarot cards and she'll be back to cleanse the home with the rest of her, let's say for convenience sake, coven, which I desperately want to film. She told her that her cancer was Karma from holding in too many things that she should've let out. This is not a shock to the women in our family. We all have a tendency to hold things in to maintain a sense of class or dignity. Crying does not happen often and we typically refrain from letting others know exactly how we feel, well except for my sister that is, but again, red head so...that's a whole different ball game. She said that she doesn't see death from this; my mom has too many things to get in order before she goes, which, in my opinion, made her visit worth while because we can't have too much hope. A...
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The Puke Bucket List

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I'd like to start this post by giving a shout out to Game of Thrones for scheduling the season premiere for tonight. It's a good reminder that life could be worse. Winter could be coming. I could be unknowingly sleeping with my nephew. Real talk, I should be watching 'The Red Wedding' on loop just to be sure that I truly count my blessings. Mom went to Chemo this week. Going in for her pump placement was the first time she really felt scared. She had many visitors, for which we are grateful. I would've gone, but I have a trove of minions following me who are currently too overwhelming and full of germs for her company. She did mention I could bring them over one at a time- #thingspeoplewhodon'thavefourchildrensay. After chemo, she went home and called her cat a "bitch." I know they mentioned Tourette syndrome being a possible side effect as well as mood swings, but I wasn't sure if this fell under either of those. I've had a few peo...
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Not That Skinny Poop

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I know. The title alone is enough to make you want to stop reading. The title alone is enough for me to want to stop writing, in fact. However, I won't because the woman who brought me into this world has asked me to do the impossible. She has asked me to write about her stage four cancer diagnosis and... make it funny. I often say things happen for a reason. The universe has a way of making that clear to us as time goes by. I don't know if there is ever a good reason for someone to go to the doctor with a cough and come home with stage four colon cancer, but that's what happened to my mom recently.  Before this, I thought my life was over. Having just gone through the most painful divorce, I was throwing daily pity parties while allowing my kids to live off of snacks and play video games to no end. I was drowning in the betrayal of my ex and my friends and what felt like the world. My sister was also doing a self wallowing song and dance. She had moved back home to Buffa...
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