Not That Skinny Poop

I know. The title alone is enough to make you want to stop reading. The title alone is enough for me to want to stop writing, in fact. However, I won't because the woman who brought me into this world has asked me to do the impossible. She has asked me to write about her stage four cancer diagnosis and... make it funny.

I often say things happen for a reason. The universe has a way of making that clear to us as time goes by. I don't know if there is ever a good reason for someone to go to the doctor with a cough and come home with stage four colon cancer, but that's what happened to my mom recently.  Before this, I thought my life was over. Having just gone through the most painful divorce, I was throwing daily pity parties while allowing my kids to live off of snacks and play video games to no end. I was drowning in the betrayal of my ex and my friends and what felt like the world. My sister was also doing a self wallowing song and dance. She had moved back home to Buffalo in a failed attempt at a fresh start.
It had been a while since any of us had received a text from her without the F bomb, though that might just be because she's a red head, but I digress. Our egos were in full control. The inner child had let its pain face emerge and that is all we could see. That is, until my mother was sick. 

She had brought my younger brother Adam with her to urgent care after a bout of laughter turned into a coughing fit that wouldn't end. She was completely caught off guard when the doctor came in with a smile to report that it was "bad news." She told him that he had the wrong room because she had come in for an antibiotic or something for her cough. Then she instantly worried that my brother was there and wasn't sure how to comfort him.

Had she known this would be the result, she would not have taken him with her. She would not have told any of us because we were all "having such a hard time." Thankfully, her best friend, Tanya, told all of us for her, which allowed us to get our heads out of our asses and well...quite literally into hers as we all stare at photos of her colon.  My mom gives Tanya credit for
prolonging her life because she was the one who had insisted that she get checked out.

For people who know the Dexter well, we often laugh at inappropriate times, especially when we are uncomfortable. So leave it to my mom to make a joke about EVERYTHING throughout this process. Her favorite one is to tell people that she is "full of shit" when they ask about her condition. If you're one of the lucky ones, you might even get a sexy photo of her bowel movement as evidence that her poop "is not that skinny," so a bowel obstruction shouldn't be of concern.

Now I'm not sure how funny I can make this because I'm really not sure how to survive the loss of my mom. But I told her I'd help her with her bucket list and this blog is important to her. Almost as important as making her backyard into a Zen garden where she can meditate after chemo treatments. She started the yard transformation today and my sister reported that she has successfully made a penis fountain. My response, "what says Zen more than a penis fountain?" Though I wouldn't put it past my mother to do such a thing, she did not intentionally make the penis fountain; We may need to hire someone to do the Zen Garden.

She is blessed to have good people in her life that are here to help her in any way possible. Another friend and co-worker of hers, Lei, took her to the appointment that scheduled her new routine. Next week she will start chemo.  The doctor says she will have chemo treatments every two weeks for the remainder of her life. The cancer has progressed beyond the point where surgery could have been an option. Her response, "my doctor sounds like King Julian from Madagascar." She then took pictures with everyone working in the area of the appointment. The young nurse held up "rock on" hands which must have sparked interest in her because you can see the transformation from cancer patient to rocker chick before your very eyes.

So this is the start of our journey. This is how we will make laughter out of tears because laughter is the best medicine and it's what we know how to do.